Dead Clerks
by ebonyeyez1
Summary: Eric/Sookie. After having mind-blowing sex, Eric and Sookie watch this movie called "Clerks". She drifts off to sleep, while Eric peers down at Sookie, Eric wonders what does Sookie dream about... Must have seen the movie to understand
1. Chapter 1

**This is a one-shot, while I continue working on the sequel for "Deadly Decisions". The characters again belong to not only Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball, but also Kevin Smith. If you have never seen Clerks, I highly recommend. Again using AB's version of Tara. Reviews and critiques are still welcomed. It will only help me to become a better writer.**

**Dead Clerks**

**Ebonyeyez1**

**Chapter 1**

I drifted off to sleep after another a hot session of lovemaking with my Viking, in my living room while watching one of Amelia's favorite movie called "Clerks" (she is such a Kevin Smith fanatic). I remembered Eric told me he enjoyed watching me sleep, and often wondered what did I dream about...

My dream for some reason it's in black and white. Instead of working at Merlotte's, I'm working at the Grabbit-Kwik convenience store. Amelia, wearing a tattered looking Sex Pistols t-shirt and equally ragged pair of jeans, with a baseball cap on her head, was sitting in the corner on the stool behind the counter with me reading the newspaper, smacking her gum.

"Looks like the fucking FoTs are at it again, Sook" raising her head up looking at me, bouncing her leg against the leg of the stool, "Fucking bastards." she muttered. She folds up the paper and tucked it under her arm, and jumped over the counter and landed one her feet with ease.

"Let me go ahead and open up the video store next door, before fuckers start bitching." before she sauntered out, I notice the clock read 6p. She stopped at the door, when she heard me, "Hey you were suppose to open at 9a." frowning at her with disappointment. Leaning against the door, still smacking that gum, giving me that who gives a damn look, she replied with a shitty smile, "I was on break, geez." I reminded her the shop closed at 9p. She shrugged, still had shitty smile, plastered on her face, "Sooks always the responsible one, don't you remember when we went to junior college, I took up a course there, Slacker 101? I'm utilizing those skills, by implementing them in real life. Buh-bye" chuckling as she leaves out. Then realized she never paid for the paper. _Bitch!_

_**Ding! (Bell on the door)**_

I glanced up. Customer came in, knew he was a vamp, due to the pale skin tone, yet he looked strangely familiar, like a singer. He walked back towards the freezer, thought he was going to grab a six pack of True Blood, then he set it back down, reached for another six pack of True Blood, does the same thing again. After observing this for all of 10 minutes, I approached him. Strangely I didn't fear him, was just mildly curious. "Excuse me sir", tapping on his hunched down shoulder, "May I help you with something," fixed him with my friendly smile. He gave me a sideways glance, replied in a very familiar voice, had a southern twang to it, "Naw, l'il missy. I'm fine. Just checking the expiration dates on the bottles, before I decide to buy, that's all" I lean over a little, "Well let me know if you need help okay", he returns back to his self-appointed task "True Blood Inspector, Badge #411", I figured what he was doing was harmless enough, strange but harmless. As I headed back to go behind the counter, situating items that were out of place, setting them back to rights so to speak, I heard loud yelling outside the store door. Recognizing the voice, I already knew who that was.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Warning this chapter will have crude, explicit, vulgar language, reader discretion is advised-Rated M**

The characters again belong to not only Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball, but also Kevin Smith. If you have never seen Clerks, I highly recommend. Again using AB's version of Tara. Reviews and critiques are still welcomed. It will only help me to become a better writer. Thanks Ysar (beta-master)

**Chapter 2 - Video Store (Amelia), **

***Don't ask me this is Sooks dream***

Hmm...I forgot to lock the door. Fuck!!! I walked in…didn't notice anything out of place. I shrugged my shoulders, and assumed the position. I hopped my ass on the counter, stretched out my legs, and started reading the Shreveport Times newspaper that I didn't pay for (heh). Flipping through the pages, looking in the society pages, I saw a pic of Sook's yummy ex-undead-Viking-boyfriend with some young-ass model smiling at her. Oh snap! Even though she broke up with him, she still cared about that walking corpse. Glancing out the window briefly, I saw the two loser vamps outside. _I gotta tell her._

_**Ding! (Bell on the door)**_

I silently huffed. Fucking customers! Why can't they go to Blockbuster? Who gives a damn it's the next town over? They have a broader collection than this shit. I looked at her over my paper. Selah Pumphrey. I hate that bitch. I could feel her snobby ass looking at me. Hell, even her Bob Mackie suit looked snooty.

"How can I help you?" I asked, expelling a puff of air and without looking up.

"Yes, I'm looking for a movie," she said rather haughtily.

"What's the name?" I asked, flipping a page.

"Gone with the Wind. Are you not going to assist me?" she asked, getting annoyed with me. Fuck the skank.

"Check the classic section. It should be there," I mumbled, thumbing a page.

"Well, aren't you going to get up?" Frustration at critical mass for this one. Her voice was shaky.

"Nope." _Oh snap! Pantera is going to be in Shreveport , must score tickets_, I thought to myself.

"Where is the manager?" she asked, getting huffy.

"You are looking at her." I wonder will Tray take me?

"I can't believe the poor customer service here." That did it.

"Listen, Selah, or whatever your name is. I'm going to give you a little piece of advice. I know you are only renting that movie because you are dating Bill Compton. Just to let you know, he only likes that movie because his ex--- ya know her, Sookie---likes the movie. He still is in love with her, won't get over her, and using you as a temporary blood-sack fuck, hoping that Sookie will take him back. When that happens, you will be a distant memory, a regrettable one, but it will be distant."

She let out a growl, and stomped out. Heh, bye bitch!

Oh damn, I forgot to put in the video order for the store. I found a sticky note. Judging by some of these titles, we are starting to cater to the vampire community, mostly porn. _This should be interesting_, I thought as I picked up the phone to call. _I hope they're still open_. Great Gary, the video guy answered.

"Hey, Gary, this is Amelia over here at Grabbit-Kwik Video in Bon Temps. I need to place an order. You won't believe this list." I started cracking up, snickering.

_**Ding! (Bell on the door)**_

I spotted a customer coming in, an old lady., She kinda reminded me of my Nana Bert. I have fond memories of her. She introduced me to the magical plant {wink}.

Switching my attention back to Gary on the phone, "Okay are you ready? Suck My Bloody Cock Pt. 1 & 2, Lesbian Love Vamp Style, Fang-gang-bang, Cum On Me Bloody, the 3-D version (_That's some sick shit_, I thought to myself)…"

The old lady came to the counter.

"Hold a sec, Gary," I said, turning the phone away from my ear. "Yes ma'am, how can I help you?"

"Yes, I was looking for Casablanca, and I noticed it wasn't over there. Did someone take it out?" she inquired

"Well, the last person that checked it out never returned it. I'm on the phone with the distributor. I'll add it to this order," I told her reassuringly. I put the phone back to my ear, checking that he was still there.

"Gary, I have some more videos to order. Okay, ready? Blood Bag Swapping, Bloody Bitches, Bite Deez Nutz, Fang-a-licious, Snatch My Bloody Pussy, Bloody Nut Sacks, Deep Throat with Fang, Bambi, Casablanca."

I glanced at the old lady who still stood there as if she was trying to get my attention. I placed the phone receiver on my shoulder, looked back at her, and asked "Yeah?" smacking my gum.

"Ask the young man if he has "Geriatric Gang Bangers Pt 5."

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**I know this was suppose to have been a one-shot, but this shot has turned into a Tequila shot. Once you start you gotta have another.**

**The characters again belong to not only Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball, but also Kevin Smith. If you have never seen Clerks, I highly recommend. Again using AB's version of Tara & Lafayette. Reviews and critiques are still welcomed. It will only help me to become a better writer. Rated M for very explicit, vulgar language**

**Chapter 3 (Lafayette & Tara)**

_**Tara : Hell, I don't know this is Sookie's whacked out dream**_

_**Lafayette: Hey Sookie, give me a love scene in your dream, Smoochies :O**_

"Lafayette, hurry up, I got places to go and people to see!", Tara yells out through the passenger side window of her car, honking her horn

Seconds later Lafayette hops in, glaring at her,

"Damn bitch what's the rush?"

Rolls her eyes at her openly gay cousin, who looks like a cross between Doughboy from Boyz in the Hood and Sha-na-na from Martin, while he flipped down the sunvisor to use the mirror to apply his glittery lip gloss.

"I've got to get to Grabbit-Kwik and talk to Sookie, looks out her rear view mirror, before pulling out to traffic, "I think she saw that article in Shreveport Times about her ex."

Lafayette gave her a dumbfounded look, as they were driving,

"I thought her and Vampire Bill were old news?"

Briefly glances at him, before averting her eyes back on the road,

"Naw. She was kickin' it with Eric"

Raising his eyebrows, bugging his eyes,

"Wait a minute, are you talking about that tall glass of water who was at her house a while back?" Tara nodded her head. Letting out a giggle, grabbing his nail file, filing his nails, "Gurl, he was monstrously delicious."

Tara chuckled a little. She even admitted to herself, he was fine—for a vamp.

"Well you know how Sookie is, scared to death of being hurt. I kept telling her Eric loves the fuck out of her, but she rather believe lying ass Vampire Bill over him" shaking her head in disbelief. Then she remembered she neglected to put her "driving" music back on, her dream man—Tupac!

Lafayette realizes what she is about to play, then gives her the "give me a freaking break" look. Tara saw it and wasn't pleased,

"What the hell, how dare you diss, my future baby-daddy", turning the volume up louder, just to aggravate her thuggish, yet flamboyant cousin.

"Bitch please, I'll put you out of your own damn car, if you don't turn that shit down!", wagging his finger, "Don't test me ho!"

Tara was fearless, she wasn't even intimidated by Eric, her cousin on the other hand—not that was a different story. Begrudgingly, she turned it down.

Lafayette started gazing out the window, noticing all the graffiti written dilapidated buildings, tall weed infested yards, in their neck of the woods, so to speak. He resented how the past years affected Bon Temps. Sure it was a backwater hell hole of a town, but through the Reaganomics and Bushisms, the economic plight affected the already poverty stricken areas. I hope this Bill Clinton can fix this shit. Though he was a cook at Merlotte's, a sports bar of sorts, he had other ideas in regards to securing his financial future. Goal, 'Get rich and get the fuck out of Bon Temps. Ever since the vamps "came out of the coffin", they have been part of his "portfolio". A gorgeous diva, such as myself, cannot be subjected to these paltry conditions no more. Tara pulled him out of his thoughts,'

"So what do you think?"

"Think about what?"

"About the fact he supposedly cheated on her."

"So she think, because he fed on another wench he cheated on her?"

"Yeah."

He glances over at Tara,

"Did he tell her this?"

"Naw, weren't you listening? Vampire Bill told her this shit, claimed he even had pictures." she sneered .

"Well for one, when vamps feed if they desire who they are feeding from, or even if they get caught up" waving his nail file, to enunciate his point, "in the bloodlust, hell yeah fucking will be commencing", putting up his nail file, looking for his mascara in his little bag.

Veering a look at Lafayette, with an incredulous look on her face,

"How you know?", judging by the look on his face, and the fact he was too busy applying his mascara to even respond back. Sensing her disapproval, without even looking at her, he waves the mascara wand at her,

"Bitch! Don't judge me, besides," reapplying the mascara on his lashes, and putting it up, "it's just business." Tara jaw dropped in her lap.

"Do you hear yourself, Lafayette, you ain't no better than a damn prostitute."

"And!...I'm a paid free-lance sex counselor, exclusively for vamps, to help improve human/vamps relations?" he replied smoothly.

Tara shaking her head trying to focus on driving, they are only about 5 blocks away from the store, then a song came on the radio, she turns up the volume,

"Oh shit, that's my jam" snaking her head while driving.

Lafayette raising up from his thuggish slouch in the passenger side,

"Girl what you know about that, you were still hanging from your mama alcoholic tit when this song came out." hint of smirk shadowing on his glossy lips.

"Muthafucka, you cold-blooded and besides you are only 3 years older than me."

As if the conversation was long forgotten, like a song by Cameo "Candy" can take away that sour ass discussion.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ****Okay this chapter was giving me pause. So what I ended up doing was a blending of some of the stuff they did and said in other flicks they appeared in. All of them were classics. I hope I do them justice (runs and hides).**

**The characters again belong to not only Charlaine Harris and Alan Ball, but also Kevin Smith. If you have never seen Clerks, I highly recommend. Again using AB's version of Tara & Lafayette. Reviews and critiques are still welcomed. Oh yeah it isn't beta'd.**

**Very crude, vulgar, and profane language in this chapter. Readers discretion is advised.**

**Chapter 4 (Jay & Silent Bob, as vamps, in front of video store)**

***Jay: " You wanna fuck me, Sookie? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard."***

***Silent Bob: "… {blows smoke from his lips}"***

"Jay!", I yelled at the tall and lean one wearing hip-hop gear, with the long dirty-blond hair, which was hanging underneath a skull cap.

"Hey Sookie, Sookie now. How's it hangin; besides ya titties?" he said with a leer, gazing right at "my girls".

Jay was always the crudiest vamp, besides another really tall blond one who shall remain nameless. I ignored the comment.

"What the hell are you two doing out here?"

"Me and Silent Bob here," gesturing to his silent friend, " had to drain some competition. They were trying to steal our spot, fucking vamp pricks." he sneered.

I happen to look around, seeing no evidence of the blood shed. Then Jay said as I looked back them,

"Don't worry your pretty l'il human head we clean up after ourselves. Speaking of that, there is one item we need to chunk."

Then Silent Bob passes Jay a decapitated vamp head , and Jay drop kicks it, and it goes flying, raises both his arms like he made a touchdown.

"And it's good! Schnoogins" he yells, as he gives Silent Bob "dap".

Silent Bob was the sensible of the two. Always silent, hence the nick, always has a cigarette hanging from his lip, wore the same baseball cap turned back, while his long brown hair brushed his shoulders, jeans and a long black trench coat to camouflage his chubbiness.

I put my hands on my hips,

"I hope you guys still not selling drugs" especially "V" she thought, "last time you guys almost got busted by the VP (Vampire Police)"

"Man fuck'em! They can suck my undead cock!" jerking his crotch in a vile way.

Changing the subject, he glances at me hungrily,

"So wassup between me and you?" Jay puts his arm around me, as he stares down my shirt, I quickly cover them up, "When you going to let me put a fanged hickey on those mounds of joy" his tongue running over his fangs.

"Um, lets shoot for half past never on your fucking dead life. That would be a quarter till hell naw" shrugging his arms off her shoulders. He lets her.

"Oh shit, I keep forgetting you bonded and shit to the Northman. I'm still figuring how the hell you managed that. He used to get so much pussy, it would be falling out of his back pocket and shit." looking over at Silent Bob and he nodded his head in agreement. I felt a pang of jealousy, but I stamped it down,

"We are no longer a couple" I said with indifference.

Jay didn't buy it, even Silent Bob rolled his eyes, as he took a drag off his cigarette,

"Shit, word on the streets, he still tapping that ass." Thus, illustrating this fact by thrusting his pelvis, and waving his arms simulating spanking ones ass.

"Still gross as ever." I snorted. Then I saw Tara pulling up, blasting her music. Both Tara and Lafayette exit her car. I greeted them, then Lafayette gave the nod to Jay and Silent Bob, but by the way he was looking at Tara, his flavor was now turning to dark chocolate.

"Damn, sexy chocolate, when you going to let me get a taste?" Then he noticed Silent Bob salivating,

"I forgot Silent Bob has a sweet tooth, but I get to hit it first, and you can watch." Silent Bob gives Jay a heated glare.

Tara hearing this exchange, cranks her neck around,

"I would neva...", waving a finger at them, "Let you muthafuckas sniff this, let alone touch it. I would sooner stick a frozen thermometer up my coochie, it would basically be the same thang."

Jay being Jay replied,

"Well, I can get a sharpie and draw numbers and lines on my cock and take your temperature, we could do it vaginally or my personal favorite anal" he said while dry humping her.

"Get da fuck off me, with yo perverted ass." pushing him away, flicking her braids. Lafayette observing the whole exchange with amusement.

"What the hell you laughing at Lafayette?" Tara turning her irritation towards him. Lafayette rolling his eyes,

"Don't get mad at me because you need to get some. I told ya vamp dick is the best shit." slapping five with Silent Bob. "From the words of Heavy D, vamps got that power" as he thrusts his hips, which got him a little heated, for which he fanned himself with his hand.

Ignoring them, Tara switches her attention to Sookie,

"I need to talk to you about something, but first did your boss finally stock my "Black Hair Styles" magazine yet? Sick and tired of havin' to go to Bossier City and get anything black related for my ass."

Lafayette and I say in unison,

"Here we go.." Jay and Silent Bob looked at us confused. Then we pointed at Tara, she was about to go on a tirade.

"I've been living in this godforsaken town almost all my damn life and I can't get the things I need. What kind of bullshit is that? If I need Pink Oil Moisturizer or Isoplus Oil Sheen for my braids, can't get it in Bon Temps, gotta go to Bossier City. If I need hair for my braids or need them to be tightened up a bit, those bitches at the beauty salon look at me like I'm a fuckin' alien or something. Fucking racist ass town!"

Lafayette snickers,

"That ladies and gentleman was Tara's commentary on the lack of black-oriented items in Bon Temps. You will now resume back to your regularly scheduled program. All ready in progress." Lafayette and I start cracking up.

Jay who was mesmerized by Tara at that moment,

"Damn you fiery! You sure you don't wanna go somewhere and fuck? I'll even leave the fat fucker out." waggling his eyebrows. Silent Bob looking like he wanted to stake Jay's ass. I just wanted to walk away from this madness. Tara sensing this, spats at Jay,

"Muthafucka the day I fuck you is when we have a black president in the white house." she spun on her heel and grabs me and we head to the store.

**Sorry for the short chapter, but it will start getting interesting trust me...okay don't trust me. **

**Okay you guys are wondering about timeline. Since the movie was made mid 90's, I felt it was appropriate to have it set around that time. Besides the 90's was kinda cool :P**

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Working on trying to get this wrapped up before I "dive" into DA. I would like to thank all the readers who took an interest in this story. Oh yeah, still un-beta'd. I tried to catch all my boo-boos, but ya know how that goes :P Enjoy...**

Chapter 5

Once we stepped back in the store, the strange vamp was now sitting on the floor. He pulled every True Blood out and was analyzing each bottle, before I had a chance to speak to him, Amelia bursts in.

Startling both Tara and I, Amelia somewhat breathless, even though she came from next door.

"Sook! Oh my God, I just saw your ex-undead hunk in the newspaper." thrusting the article in my face.

Tara then mentioned that she seen the same article, which was the reason why she came over. Tara sneers,

"Yeah his funky ass is dating some young skinny model bitch." crossing her arms, but watches me intently. I was indifferent. I didn't care. I hoped his dick fell off.

"Eric and I aren't together anymore, so he is free to date whomever he wants." I flounced back around the counter. I needed my angry chick music. Alanis where are you? I dug out her out and played my inspirational music, "You Oughta Know". I could feel the disapproval from my girlfriends, as I blast it. I didn't care, listening to that song reminds me of the reason why I need to get over Eric--two-timing jerk!!!

I started singing the song, blasting it loudly, even though I couldn't sing worth a lick, but I needed to get it out. Strange thing happened though, I guess the anthem for pissed off women drew them. One by one, a few women were coming into the store, singing it with me. Tara and Amelia were shocked. I was elated, I stood up on the counter, especially when the part that I could relate to came on,

_Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity_

_I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner_

_It was a slap in the face_

_How quickly I was replaced_

_Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?_

**Back outside....**

Jay was yelling to some of the men that were attempting to walk in,

"Angry bitches alert! Don't go in there if you want your cock intact! Angry bitches, will skewer your dick and call it a shish-kacock!"

Several men steered clear of the store during this time, especially after receiving angry and mean glares from the women that were entering in.

**Returning back to the sing-a-long...**

Once the song was over, the women who were there high-fived each other. Some of them even thanked me, as they left out. None of them bought anything though. Cheap bitches.

Tara and Amelia just stood there watching me. Tara shaking her head, whispered to Amelia,

"If she starts playing Love is A Battlefield, I'm outta here." Amelia glances back at her,

"What for? I loved that song, I even remember the dance moves." as she started imitating it. Tara slaps Amelia on her shoulder to make her stop, after all they are suppose to be helping Sookie. They return their attention back to their somewhat perturbed best friend.

"What?!" going back behind the counter to finish stacking stuff.

"That was just a case of denial, acting like this shit ain't bothering you." Tara huffed, glancing back to Amelia to get some help, but her eyes looked slightly glazed. Was she high, again?, I thought to myself. Tara berating tone tore my gaze from Amelia back to her,

"Girl you know you love him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same. Why are you believing Vampire Bill over him? Ya know he aint't nothing but a cock blocking hatin' ass vamp!"

Shaking my head,

"No! It would never work out, besides I'm better off without him, manipulating asshole!"

I noticed Amelia zones back in, after being on planet Tweaked, and joins the Sookie-in-denial-about-her-feelings conversation,

"Yeah, Sooks take the bastard back, I mean he only fed it wasn't like he fucked her."

They don't understand how Eric is. He is an insatiable, sexy vamp. Who is still a horny fucker!! I hate him!!! Why does it still hurt? I missed him. Why did he do it, he promised once we were together he wouldn't feed on no one else but me, but Bill showed me the pics. Yet, how was he able to get that close? Vamps have very heightened senses... I shake my head trying not to figure it out, what's done is done.

"I'm so done with this conversation..."

**Back outside...**

Lafayette and Jay were crouched down shooting dice, while Silent Bob was taking another drag off his cigarette. Jay starts asking him about his cousin Tara,

"So wassup with her, do you think she would go out with me?" Jay inquired passing the dice to Lafayette.

"Not, really besides she is already in a current relationship already. His name is Vibra`tor " he said rolling the 'r', "I think he's Italian." Lafayette chucking at his own joke, while rolling the dice, and snapping his fingers.

"I never understood why women, want something artificial when they can have the real thing." Jay shakes his head, also due to the fact he was losing.

Silent Bob went to go grab the boom box, and starts blasting some Pantera, "Walk". Jay starts losing his mind.

"FUCK YEAH, TURN THAT SHIT UP!!!" , then he starts stomping hard on the concrete, and head banging, Silent Bob still leaning against the wall, bobs his head with another cigarette hanging from his lip.

_Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistance  
One step from lashing out at you...  
You want in to get under my skin  
And call yourself a friend  
I've got more friends like you  
What do I do? _

Amelia came flying out of the store yelling, "Fuck Yeah!!!", banging her head along with Jay. Tara followed Amelia out, then crossed her arms across her chest watching the spectacle Amelia was making out of herself so she thought. She stands by Lafayette, who was also observing this. They look at each other shaking their heads in unison and muttering underneath their breaths,

"White people..."

I wasn't in the mood to join the party outside, someone had to stay and man the store. Besides the "True Blood Inspector" was still over there in the corner. I really needed some time with my thoughts anyway. I understand my friends mean well, but it's my decision. I'm sick and tired of being hurt. I'm glad Eric moved on. Maybe someday I will find someone who will finally put me first, and love me for me. Despite all of my weird quirks and equally weird friends.

_**Ding!**_

Silent Bob comes in makes a beeline for the counter, throws his empty brand of cigarettes on the counter, I reach up to grab a pack, then he tosses the money down, he looked like he was going to leave, but he turned back around,

"Your problem is that you are afraid of making a relationship work. You basically setting up your relationship to fail, because part of you don't think Eric will make you happy, especially since Bill failed you. So you look for a reason. Yet, you really need to look within yourself. Until you figure out what is causing all of these insecurities, you will never find happiness with any man or woman, whichever is your preference." he shrugs. Then leaves. My jaw dropped.

"I thought he was a mute..." I followed him outside where the rest of the Scooby-Doo gang were.

I walked out just in time to catch Tara smoking what I think was a joint.

"Tara! You put that down this instant! You don't even smoke!"

Tara replied with a sly grin,

"Yeah, but not cigarettes. Besides it's little joint that Lafayette had left over."

Lafayette looked at her,

"Gurl that's a one-hitter. You hit that once, and you aint going to be able to hit it again, because it will get you fucked up!!!" Jay was watching them longingly.

"Damnit! I miss gettin' high! Where is a fairy when you need one." I looked away.

Then Tara tried to pass the little bit to me. I smacked her hand away,

"I don't do drugs. I'm a Christian." I folded my arms, looking at them with disdain.

They looked at me and started laughing.

"Gurl if you are a Christian, then I'm a heterosexual with a gang of ho's on my speed dial." Lafayette stated snapping his fingers in circular motion. "You are a human first, a woman second, and a Christian third. Besides weed is from the earth, it's been on this planet long before we came along."

"Then why does the government make it illegal, since you seem to know everything?" I responded rather rudely, which I felt bad. Then I knew I pissed Lafayette off, because he started to do what Tara calls "checking" someone. Basically putting someone in check. I've always seen Tara do it, but I've never been on the receiving end of his tirade.

"Well for one little girl, how will the government be able to regulate it, they have to make their money off it too. If you really check your history, the government used to make money out of hemp. Hell, back then it was against the law if you didn't use it. Your founding fathers used it, so before you get to being all self righteous, ole dainty one, check your history." then he looked at me over his shoulder, "besides, it might cure what is ailing you, and help put things in better perspective. I heard what is going on with you, and because of your so-called handicap, you keep mixing up other folks thoughts with your own. Most of all not using your own common sense. Think about it, why would you believe lying ass Vampire Bill over your man. Oh my bad ex-man?" Lafayette asked while tooting out his lips.

I was kinda shocked how Lafayette was talking to me. He was normally fun to be around, but he seems to be really mean to me. I felt my tears starting to well up. Then Lafayette looked at me somberly, and gave me a warm, comforting hug

"Oh shit bitch. I didn't mean to snap. You just really need to take some time out and look at the situation as a whole, before you make any kind of snap decisions. I heard about how Eric treated you, and he was good to you. Yet, you let another man, kick shit in the game and ruin your relationship. Only you can make it right, and its up to you whether or not if you want to." Lafayette pulled away from me and looked me dead in my eyes.

"You know La-La loves you boo." he smiles, and I had no choice but to smile. Both Lafayette, Silent Bob, and my girlfriends were right. I need to fix this. I only hope that it isnt too late. I finally realized, I loved him. I'm pretty sure he feels something for me. Even though he never came out and said it, but I hope he does. I was about to go back to the store and call him when...,

"Well, looks like a party out here and I wasn't invited, for shame Sookie. Was my invite lost in the mail?" she asked rather dryly.

Damn!! It was Pam.

**I'm slowly getting to the plot, just bare with me. It's coming...**

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Again these characters belong to AB, Charlaine Harris, and Kevin Smith. I just wanted to take them out for a spin. So far its been a fun and bumpy ride. Rated M for explicit, crude, vulgar language**

**Chapter 6**

Still outside in front of store...

"La-La!!!" Pam opens her arms.

"Pam-Pam!!" Lafayette runs to Pam. Gives each other air kisses on each cheek.

My jaw dropped by this exchange. I was really surprised at how Pam was for one interacting with Lafayette, for two how in the hell did they know each other. Lafayette looking at my shocked expression,

"We met at Hooligans, and we go every Wednesday night, for LADIES NIGHT!!" they rejoice in unison.

"If it's ladies night, how do you get in?" Tara asked.

"Bitch I got connections, I know the owner."

Tara smirked, using her hand like she was stroking a ghost of a goatee on her face,

"Well sorry to burst your bubble, Sookie is related to both of them, those are her cousins." arching an eyebrow.

Lafayette swirls around, looks at me like I was his new best friend.

"Can I get a hook up, especially with Claude, he is just too yummy for words." as he rubs his belly.

I told him I would see what I could do, couldn't promise him anything. Then like that he just skipped away. Tara told me he will be back, then she said,

"Gurl you just made his night. He is happier than a homosexual with a bag of dicks." I had to shake my head to the comment, then I was wondering what was Pam doing out, especially here.

"No reason, I was off tonight, and I wanted to see my favorite telepath. Oh by the way did you see the article in the paper. I think they make a cute couple don't you think" Pam grinned slyly showing a bit of fang. Showing her that her attempt at getting my goat was failing, I replied,

"I know I saw the article, and I was about to call and congratulate him on his new relationship." _Then I was going to call the police on his ass for statutory rape, old bastard, I thought to myself._

I spun on my heel and went back in the store. Yep, same vamp inspecting the Bloods. Then Pam, barged in.

"Look Sookie, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings with that comment. My Master was pissed when you broke up with him, and he didn't understand why. He still doesn't. So, why do you expect him to wait till you come to your senses, and start trusting him?" Pam scolded. I busied myself while she was giving this speech. I really wasn't in the mood for it. I had it all set in mind to call him, till she reminded me of the reason not to.

"He would never tell you an untruth, because of the blood-bond you two share. Make use of it. He won't wait around for you forever." Pam's phone rang, then she bolted.

**Yeah I know it's a short chapter. Thought I would give you guys something to gnaw on until my creative juices start flowing again. I appreciate the fact some of you guys are still trying to hang with me. I will try my hardest to not take a century to update.**


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